Letters to Piper
by accionerds
Summary: Letters from Alex to Piper. Starts just after Piper leaves Alex.
1. Chapter 1

Piper,

I'm indescribably mad at you right now but I'm so, so fucking in love with you and it sucks. You left me. When I really needed you, you just walked out of the door and I hate you for that.

But if you hadn't done it you wouldn't be the Piper that I fell for, you wouldn't be that same girl that completely captured my attention and my heart. Everything I do has always been self-destructing and our whole dam relationship was destructive.

I can't stand what you did to me but what I did to you wasn't fair either. Our relationship it destroyed us both. But despite myself, despite everything I know is true I love you so fucking much Piper Chapman.

I don't know why or how the actual fuck I'm asking this but come back Pipes. Come back and take care of me, keep me calm and level and keep me sane, please. I need you right now and it hurts so damn much that you're not here right now. But fuck all of the past Piper. Fuck my pride. Fuck this pain. Just come back and help me, please. I fucking need you. I don't care that I'm begging right now. I need you.

Please.

Alex  
>xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<p>

**An attempt at, maybe a start of a Vauseman fic. Review?**


	2. Chapter 2

Piper,

I need you. It's so fucking awful here. These empty souled bitches keep telling me how much they miss my mom and how they loved her and all this bullshit. No one gave a crap about her before we had money. If she'd died poor no one would even be telling me all of this, no one would ever pretend that they gave a fuck. And I need you here Piper to give up your selfish, crappy mind-set for five minutes and take care of me.

Fuck it I know I was such a shitty girlfriend but my job is so hard Piper. I get stressed but I tried so hard, to make time for you and to treat you like a princess. I did it wrong but I tried, fuck it I tried. I know you felt like a neglected housewife but Piper, you didn't have a job to be perfectly honest you didn't try. You felt like a trophy wife because you acted like one. I worked that hard because I've been poor and you do not want to be in that situation, no one does. I never want to not have the security that I have and I prioritise that, I shouldn't and I know that. But it wasn't just security for me; I wanted to keep you safe and happy. I wanted to give you the world because despite everything damn it I loved you so much and that's what you deserve. No matter how you treated me I still see you as perfection.

I write all this shit to you because you won't pick up the fucking phone Piper, you and my mom were the only people I could ever talk to about crap and now both of you gone in one day. I can't handle this shit and work is still pressuring me, they don't relent. I need to get someone to send to Istanbul still and they're upping my output. I don't know if I can handle this on my own, not now. I miss being able to distract myself with you.

I will be better. I will be a less shit girlfriend and ill improve myself. Just come back baby. Pick up the phone and ill prove it to you. I'll buy you a plane ticket as soon as you pick up the phone. Please Piper.

I love you,

Alex  
>xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<p>

**Yeah so hopefully this is alright, I want to tell Alex's side of the story after Piper left.**


	3. Chapter 3

Piper,

Polly answered your phone...supercunt. Really? I don't know whether to be mad or laugh. If we were still together we'd probably have spent time making up fucking powers for supercunt but those days are gone.

I don't know what else to do but remember. I miss you still. And the only thing numbing this fucking feeling is heroin. I promised I'd never ever do the drugs, just move them but you know what? I can't do this, at least heroin is always there got me when I want it.

I guess you're not who I thought you were. I was told, god knows I was fucking told. Rule one, don't fall in love with a straight girl. They were right, and it's too fucking bad Piper. I so wanted to prove them wrong I wanted to make you mine. Forever. I had plans. I had plans because I thought the straight girl had fallen for the lesbian. I was the one that was wrong. But fuck those plans and fuck you because I love you. But I hate you so much for doing this to me.

Alex.

**So I don't know whether I'm going to keep writing these in letters or switch it up. Still don't know if it's worth continuing. Im kind of worried about portraying piper badly but i don't know.**


	4. Chapter 4

_Piper,_

_It's been so long since I wrote to you. Fuck how the hell did so many years go past? It seems like yesterday that I was travelling the world with you. I miss that. I didn't write to you any more. I got all the letters back, did you even read them? I was so desperate to get you back but you fucking broke me. I'm still mad at you for leaving me. But now is the time where I would need you because you were always reasonable and logical. You would help me with this decision right now. You would know what to do Pipes. But what do I do?_

_I can give your name up to the cops and get a lot less time but I don't know. It doesn't feel quite right, they would give you up anyway though. You met all of them. Why do I not get to have less time? You did something wrong, but I did persuade you to…fuck piper I don't fucking know what I'm meant to be doing. If I don't give your name in they probably will but if I do it kind of feels like a betrayal…but you did leave me so it feels like you deserve it. I don't want to give you up but I'm angry and it woud give me less time. It's a plain choice I guess._

_I'm sorry. You will never forgive me but I never forgave you. I guess we are even now? I don't know._

_I am sorry Piper._

_Alex_

My eyes flick over the last letter I wrote her. Never sent. It didn't fucking make sense but I was a mess. I know its wrong but I don't regret giving her up. I got to see her again and no matter how fucked up this situation is I am glad for that.

Picking up a pen I scribble a note, not elaborate or particularly explanatory but it will do.

The noise gets louder when I step into the ghetto bunks. There is a loud hum of conversation so no one notices me. There is no one in the cubicle when I step into it. Thank fuck. I don't know what I'd do if she was here. I leave the bundle on her bed. Letters stacked up with the note on top.

_Piper,_

_I know I said you may never come to me again but I want you to. I need you to understand how much you've hurt me before and why I can't deal with much more of this._

_Choose me._

_Alex_

_Xxxxxx_

_PS – I still heart you, no matter what._

**Switching up the format a little bit. Hopefully it's okay, sorry it took so long. Feedback?**


	5. Chapter 5

My head rests against the thin pillow and I stare at the ceiling. I can't fucking get back to sleep, it's too early to get up though. All I can do is think about everything that happened. I fucking swear I would punch that little Jesus freak's head in again if it wouldn't land me in the SHU as well. No matter how much I despise her I am not going near that fucking place though.

No one is entirely clear about the details, rumours get mixed up. I remember that shitty Christmas show though. I kept looking for Piper but I didn't see her; she was already in SHU before anyone knew what happened.

I know it's stupid but my main fixation is the letters I have no clue what's happening and that's what I hate. I need the fucking control over stuff. Her shit was packed up as soon as she was in the SHU so fuck knows if she read them.

The only thing that's fair in this whole situation is Pennsatucky's gone straight from the hospital to SHU. At least they didn't buy her bullshitting that Jesus told her to do it. I wouldn't put much past the system in here.

No one knows what the fuck happened to Healy. Nothing's really going on and it's driving me insane. Nicky, well I don't know what I'm doing with her. She's fun and she keeps my mind off of everything but I don't know. I don't feel anything for her.

They're having a disciplinary about Piper and Jesus freak soon. I don't even know what I want the outcome to be. I want piper but at the same time do I really want all the fucked up insanity that she brings with her? It hurts without her though and all I'm getting is regret, maybe if I hadn't turned her away it wouldn't have happened? Fuck knows.

The light's crept up through the windows and I can feel the approach of getting up time. Sliding out of bed I prepare myself for the monotony of the day ahead. Breakfast, laundry, lunch, laundry, dinner and wasting time with everyone. Joy.

**It's really short and not that good but bear with me if you can. busy at the moment. feedback?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Spoilers for S02E01**

I was a fucking badass. I was a damn good importer. I was fucking unattached; I didn't have feelings for people. I didn't do that shit and then she came along and fucked it up and I like it. She consumes my every thought still, it makes me less lonely. I can't be mad at her, no matter what she does. I am an addictive person; she is my addiction without heroin. I need her, so I need to keep her safe. She doesn't lie and if she says the fucking truth about Kubra then I am fucked. I can't have an ex saying she met him and still stand up in court and say I didn't. I just fucking hope they don't call on her for evidence. He's a sneaky fucking bastard and he won't be going to jail. Piper needs to keep her mouth shut but I don't know how to make that happen.

Jesus this place makes me miss Litchfield, I'd rather be doing the fucking laundry again. This piece of shit dude was fucking looking at me earlier and grabbed his stupid fucking crotch. Jesus Christ some men need their dicks cut off. I'm so glad I didn't need to experiment too much to know. I could not have messed up any more if I fucking tried. I want to keep her safe and I fucked up from the beginning, I should have never gotten so attached to someone. I knew it was dangerous and I still fucking did it. Part of me hopes she's still in SHU and safe, but I want to see her and I know it's wrong but if she's called to trial I'll be called too. These idiots in this fucking room are driving me insane, it's the first time I've ever wanted to be in SHU.

Outside time comes and I'm so fucking glad because I was losing it in that damn room. Jesus, I'm drowning in this fucking jacket. I cannot wait to get this over with and get the hell out of Chicago. Kubra needs to fucking disappear from this world and hopefully without my damn input. I don't see how the word of a criminal is gonna help the fucking justice system though, who will believe what I say? I'm not a good person and this justice system is so fucked up.

The air seems so fresh as I step outside. I don't know how to describe air in a prison yard, it's almost stale sometimes but with the amount of freedom you get in a jail it's a fucking blessing. I step around the yard, not looking at anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone in this place they're all fucking freaks and weird as hell. Someone told me yesterday about some creepy as hell woman in A block that swears by horoscopes, someone said she killed someone because the stars told her to do something unexpected. Someone else told me that she got done for fraud, someone else told me that she got done by association with someone. I don't fucking know or care around here. It's a fun game to play in my head sometimes though. I like to people watch and see how people act.

In prison I like to guess what landed people here. Drugs are easy to see, that creepy as fuck guy from yesterday is probably a rapist piece of shit. And this is what I am reduced to, looking at other peoples mistakes and judging them. This comes from me, the importer. That's what importing taught me though, I know how to move large amounts of heroin. I can do that fucking well. Apart from that what it's taught me is the types of people. I learned to spot a possible mule from a mile off and I know how to manipulate and control them. But what else do I have? A fuckload of time. And Piper.

The alarms are going and guards are yelling. What the actual fuck is happening? I start to walk towards the wall like a well behaved convict but I stop, I heard her. I don't want to be insane but I'd take it over her being here. I'd take it over her being as scared and desperate as she sounds. I turn, fuck. She's here, I need to talk to her. I can't protect her if I can't talk to her. I can try if I can get to that other wall. I step towards her but some dick's arm pushes me back. Now I hear him telling me to turn around. Fuck him. I need to talk to her and I need her to know not to fucking cross Kubra. She needs to be safe and so do I. Her words could keep both of us protected. I don't know how I'm gonna talk to her but I cant fight this guard. I just have to step back. I feel the wall against my back and I look at her. She doesn't look like SHU did a total number on her. She's not praising the fucking sky like Watson but I don't know, there's something different there. I need to talk to her.

**I'm sort of trying to adapt the past chapters to what happened in season 2 so bear with that. feedback?**


End file.
